- to flaunt my unappreciated talent.
- to impress my girl-friends (friends that are of the opposite sex)
- blogging is a great way to show your intellectuality.
- to share my thoughts with a twist of wit and humor.
- to improve my english (my dream is to become a 24/7 call center agent [not really, no])
- to be called a "writer".
- to kill my boredom.
- because writing in the net is free, plus my shiznit is well preserved here than in my starbucks planner.
- because somehow, I have readers. XD
- to be famous, hopefully I'll have a chance to meet Maja Salvador by then. (all this for you my love)
- because blogs are unpublished books. meaning, if Michael Crichton (RIP) is a normal teenage boy of our generation with limited budget, he'll be starting his career here in blogger! lol
- I'm hoping that I'll be the next Neil Gaiman, or better yet, the first JB Narciso.
- for money, sex and power! bwahahahaha! joking! lol
- the money part is true though, coz I accept gifts on envelopes. XD
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Very romantic story:
A prince was cursed by a witch. He could only speak a word per year, but if he doesn’t, he could save the words for the next year. One day he saw a pretty princess and fell in love with her. He waited for nine years to say:
“my lady, I love you. Will you marry me?”
at ang sabi ng magaling na princesa…
(the stupid princess replied…)
So immediately/instinctively, I texted back my alternate ending…
Very romantic story:
A prince was cursed by a witch. He could only speak a word per year, but if he doesn’t, he could save the words for the next year. One day he saw a pretty princess and fell in love with her. He waited for nine years to say:
“my lady, I love you. Will you marry me?”
Turns out, the princess was cursed as well. She can only hear for a minute per year. She also saved it for nine years. After she saw the prince mouthing words, she “turned on” her hearing. How ironic that it was a little too late…
A year after that, they decided to talk and hear at the same time. The prince clears his throat before saying:
(a clever/dumb way of making the most out of it ay?)
Lesson learned: learn to exchange notes.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Monday, December 15, 2008
Joyce Alviar, author
Here’s a diary-like story about a pair of new shoes, palpitating hearts and a lot of nonsense humor.. oh and by the way this post shall serve to be "the other side" of the JBJ story...
It all started when my friend JB "called" moi (as opposed to what he said that he TEXTED me.) Btw, he does call for me when he needs me... i just wanted to stress that he can get too desperate at times...Lol. I got nothing to do that night and I was bumming in front of the tv the moment i answered the rascal's call. I was obviously available, so I said yes. I wanted to do something else so i thought going to the mall wasn't bad at all (going out with him would be.. Lol.)
JB as the usual pain in me ass wanted me to go pick him up! what a prick! I'm fine with it though, since the way to the mall would mean passing by his place... oh yeah, Not a gentleman (not the reason why I broke him off though...Lol.) I arrived at his place the way he narrated it...
We chatted on and on inside the cab... Here goes a revelation~~he tried to hold my hand, right hand to be exact. My hand went off of his, as my initial reaction. Boy was he persevering Lol. I remember making my jokes work just to derail him off that awkward scene...
JB and I finally arrived the glorious location and decided to puff some cigarettes before entering (it's true that we're smoke machines.) The Hell with the signs, cause everywhere we spot a place to smoke we see a sign that says "Thank you for NOT smoking" ... But actually what we're meaning to say was... "We're NOT smoking you dummy... we're BREATHING!"Lol.
While inside the mall, my first instinct was to hold his arm like i always do with anyone I'm with when strolling the mall. (Girls do that since childhood ya know, with our dolls locked in one arm... I must've grown up with it.) As the devil have said it, we kinda looked like a couple... We're sure are cute for two ugly people (I take back my part on this phrase Lol.) While we were hopping from one store to another we noticed people staring at our locked hands. I wanted to laugh because I tried making guesses of what they were thinking while looking at us... everything I guessed only serves for my vanity...Lol. But what Jb and I have is only philial, that they cannot understand and it was like trippin strangers.
After Store hopping for shoes we went coffee shop hopping... (hey there Jb that's a good tongue twister [nonsense].) Here we talked of random things that made the people on the other table stop from their conversation and just listened to our sensible topics. and after realizing they were listening we crack ourselves with Fuckin corny jokes!! You guys know how this work, you must've thought "this two are nut cracks!!" Lol. I dunno what's with us, must've been the coffee or maybe just us...(I strongly believe it was just us. Lol.)
The topics of our conversation was so diverse, which the devil has enumerated already... And again I shared my knowledge on some of them... (Shit! This makes me more mature, not to mention older than the rascal. Suicide!) As we finished our drinks and flooded the ash tray with cigarette butts we decided to head home...
....I didn't really get anything from this meeting....
maybe i would the next time....
or the next....
or the next....
Translation for dummies: Don't go out with Jb...
Nah I hate to say this but you'll probably get stoked..
P.S. Shawty you're an Eight!
what can I say, the devil got even.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
JB: sorry? I believe you pressed the wrong bell…
Joyce: fuck off! (turns and stomped away)
Joyce: yeah, love it!
JB: ayt, but let’s check out the other stores.
Joyce: ok, but I like that one!
Here are some topics that fueled our conversations:
Fuckin corny jokes
World War I
World War II
Intellectual arguments (forgot to mention she’s smart) [I refuse to mention that she’s pretty as well]
How earth began
How life began
Few personal stuffs
Lesson learned: why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free. (in which milk means sweet girl/boy company)
Translation for dummies: why engage on a complicated relationship when you have friends that can kill your loneliness.
Words of wisdom of the day:
“love is stranger than snow in autumn”
-a fresh out of the box saying by Sir John Benjamin Lazatin Narcsio, author of F.L.I.P.
Around 48 hours after Pacquiao’s fight… Filipinos can’t get over it, that quickly.
JB: dude, the crime rate dropped during the Paquiao vs Delahoya bout.
Einar: oh come on, I doubt it
JB: I saw it in the news! No snatching, stabbing, robbery, etcetera was reported while the fight was on going.
Einar: nah, it’s just that the police and the media were also watching the fight at that time, that’s why nobody got caught or reported.
Tikman mo kamao! Tiktik tikman mo kamao! Pag suntok ni Pacquiao muling titigil ang mundo!
(Taste the fist, tastas taste the fist! The world stops when Pacquiao punches!)
Saturday, December 6, 2008
note: best served with your eyes closed (feel it)
Angelic voice ay? I always smile whenever I hear her voice, I bet you did as well. I'm proud to say that she was my classmate in high school! All together now... we love you Jeanne!!!
and her youtube channel
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
P.s. I am currently (in which current means, when I was typing this down) an inch away from having teary eyes. What can I do? I am a cancer – we’re sensitive dudes sez the stars! lol
Friday, November 28, 2008
p.s. I had pharyngitis after the concert.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Blakoal dakhoal beeensss
Juks pit ap heerlll
Ja bhul jab jupin jak blurrr
Bi bits ta floe
Beksting ie loe
Shappy jhat loe loe loe noe noe noe
Bhen hai jow dop
I guess it is worth mentioning that Daddy Phillip “visits” Mongo Josh three to seven times a week, hoping that someday, he’ll beat-the-retarded-shit out of his son.
-End of chapter I-
Friday, November 7, 2008
Baby James woke up, the sound of his retarded brother’s head banging against the floor disturbed his sleep. He placed his Dora stuff toy on the corner of his crib, he stepped on Dora’s head as he climbed out. Mongo Josh saw his little brother escaping his (as far as Mongo Josh’s “imagination” is concerned) “cage” (Mongo Josh thinks of his little brother as a pet given to him by Mommy Kris). “bleahhkk” shouted Mongo Josh. Baby James slapped his retarded brother, “quit your babbling you retarded freak!” Baby Josh angrily shouted. “bluwahk!” Mongo Josh replied. Baby James blinked “your hopeless, I can’t see any reason why Mommy Kris and Daddy James are still keeping you here, go home to your Daddy Phillip or might as well do all of us a favor and kill yourself!”. Mongo Josh is, as you all know, a retarded good for nothing huge lump of flesh, but somehow, he knows when his little brother is angry at him. “Blukakelafhuette” Mongo Josh told his brother, pointing at their Mac Book. (a gift from their Tito
“The Bizarre Adventures of Baby James & Mongo Josh”
Uncanny stories of a baby and his retarded brother
(the names of the characters are created by the author’s imagination, any resemblance of anyone you know are awfully coincidental)
JB: I bet Obama is going to be the next president of U.S.A.
Joyce: course not, it's going to be Hillary.
JB: what makes you so sure?
Joyce: *here she explains a lot of things that I don't understand, something about the umm... something government-ish, she's a law(I guess) student after all.
JB: nah, I'll still root for Obama.(she doesn't know that the reason I want Barack to win is just because he is Black)
Joyce: but Hillary is blah blah blah blah...
JB: wanna bet?
JB: an 18" pizza then.
where's my freakin pizza!!!!
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Monday, October 27, 2008
Q2. A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water for over 5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be?
Q3. A magician was boasting one day at how long he could hold his breath under water. His record was 6 minutes. A kid that was listening said, "that's nothing, I can stay under water for 10 minutes using no type of equipment or air pockets!" The magician told the kid if he could do that, he'd give him $10,000. The kid did it and won the money. Can you figure out how?
Q4. There are two plastic jugs filled with water. How could you put all of this water into a barrel, without using the jugs or any dividers, and still tell which water came from which jug?
Q5. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and grey when you throw it away?
Q6. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday?
Q7. This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it? It looks so plain you would think nothing was wrong with it! In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is unusual though. Study it, and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if you work at it a bit, you might find out! Try to do so without any coaching!
Q8. You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?
Q9. If you overtake the last person, then you are...?
Q10. (in your head!) Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000. Now add 10. What is the total?
Q11. Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?
no, I did not make this list myself, i just did a little copy-pasting trick:) the answers are @ http://..... nah! you already know how to look for it in the net, you googlers!
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
1 joint is enough to make your appetite go wild. too much will make you smile for eternity.
enjoy devouring your meal, sky is the limit. eat till your stomach rips!
1 stick is all you need for your happy ending!
Sunday, October 12, 2008
"This is an utterly captivating tale that is cleverly told through an entertaining cast of ghostly characters. There is plenty of darkness, but the novel's ultimate message is strong and life affirming." Booklist (Starred Review)
"The Graveyard Book is everything everyone loves about Neil Gaiman, only multiplied many times over, a novel that showcases his effortless feel for narrative, his flawless instincts for suspense, and above all, his dark, almost silky sense of humor." Joe Hill, author of Heart-Shaped Box
"The Graveyard Book is endlessly inventive, masterfully told and, like Bod himself, too clever to fit into only one place. This is a book for everyone. You will love it to death." Holly Black, co-creator of The Spiderwick Chronicles
"Awesome!" John Benjamin, author of F.L.I.P.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
“history became legend, legend became myth”-the lord of the rings
I would like to add-
“history became legend, legend became myth, myth became fiction, fiction became lies”
is it possible? That the original truth became a mere fiction? Here’s what I think what really happened.
“theory of fiction”
a fiction by JB Narciso
there was never a beginning, because in the beginning , the concept of time doesn’t exist, thus there is no beginning-which is time’s property. “infinity” there is an infinite beginning. Two circles intertwined-the symbol of infinity, no matter how many times you trace it with your fingers, you’ll never find its end, but in this case, infinity is a straight line with both ends that never ends. It goes up as infinite as it goes down. My theory supports the law of conservation, without an end, it is theoretically legal to have no beginning. If you still insist on having a beginning, I would say it will be in the middle of the “line”. As we live on, that line stretches infinitely. Top to bottom, left to right, doesn’t really matter.
A world parallel to ours, but in my theory (if a parallel world does exists) another world exists on the other side of the line, facing the other direction. Have you ever thought that maybe another world exists? A world ridiculously different from ours, a world without everything our world have, which includes time, life, death, existence… lets pause here for a while, you might say-woah wait, a world without existence? How did it exist then? here I answer-it can be another concept of existence, like I said, a world without everything that our world have. A different world would be different in everything. But somehow it does exist.
There is always someone who is ahead oh his time, like Darwin, like Da Vinci, perhaps there is someone out there now. Someone who can answer the question. I fancies I am that one, I wish I am, but I doubt I am… where do I get this ideas? Maybe this happens when you read to much dark fantasies, when you prefer heroes than gossip girl.
And here is where I stop; you are probably thinking you’re wasting your time on reading this coz you think it doesn’t make any sense. That makes two of us:) that’s why I am ending it here.
Friday, October 3, 2008
Monday, September 29, 2008
- lol-laugh out loud
- rotflol-rolling on the floor, laughing out loud
- btw-by the way
- ic-i see
- g2g-got to go
- cul8r-see you later
- irl-in real life
- wtf-what the fuck
- lqtm-laughing quietly to myself
- lmao-laughing my ass off
- lmfao-laughing my fucking ass off
- omg-oh my god
- np-no problem
- omfg-oh my fuckin god
- stfu-shut the fuck up
- fkmfatifkyb-french kiss my furry ass 'til it french kisses you back!
- flip-funny little island people a.k.a Filipinos
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Gift of Greed and Lust
It was a weird day for Jason Evans, pleasing, but weird. It started when he was on his way to school. While walking on his daily route, he saw a wallet lying on his path, being an average college guy who needs all the money he can get, he keeps it for himself. Jackpot! The wallet was loaded. While he is still enjoying his new found treasure, Sheila Ridge, the campus hottie approached him. Sheila suddenly kissed him torridly right there in the hallway! Then she whispered something to him that made him grin, he nods as a reply. They kissed again as they parted. A second later, he saw Arnold Blunt, his nerdy best friend, running towards him with a huge smile on his acne infested face. He thought that smile was about Sheila’s shocking act, up until Arnold told him that he just won a thousand dollars on the college wide raffle! “raffle for a cause indeed” Jason proudly states. All those pleasant events are nothing compared to what happened next… Samantha White, the girl of his dreams came up to him and confessed her love.
Great things happened to Jason that day; great things… as far as greed and lust are concerned…
Avaritia and Luxuria
Luxuria: it seems like I won.
Avaritia: it’s not over yet my sister.
Luxuria: can’t you see his lust is more dominant than his greed?
Avaritia: sister, what if we change some of the rules eh?
Luxuria: what do you mean Avaritia?
Avaritia: you know I’ll do anything to win him. After all, I am Greed herself.
Luxuria: and your point is?
Avaritia: let’s just say we’ll kick it up a notch…
Jason walks home, the scenes earlier are still playing in his mind. As he passes by a park, he saw two figures by the swing, a silhouette of two ladies. At first he thought they were Sheila and Samantha, he fancies that the two are fighting over him. But as he approaches the swing, the two figures slowly vanished. Puzzled, he turns back and walked away… “Jason” he heard someone called his name… he didn’t recognize the voice, one thing he’s sure of-it was not Sheila nor Samantha. He turned his head slowly; the two ladies are back, only now he can see their face. They are beautiful, but the other one is a lot prettier than the other.
Avaritia: I know what you’re thinking, that Luxuria is prettier than me! Everybody does! But don’t you admire my jewelries?
Luxuria: Avaritia, please be more polite. Forgive my sister Jason Evans, she is not really used to talking with humans…
Jason: do I know you? Why do you know my name? who are you?
Luxuria: I am Lust.
Avaritia: and I am Greed.
Jason: weird names you got.
Luxuria: oh, those are not our names; you asked us who we are. You did not ask for our name.
Avaritia: I am Greed; you can call me Avaritia-that is my name.
Luxuria: my name is Luxuria. I am Lust.
Jason: you got me lost at “who we are”
Avaritia: we are responsible for your so called “luck” this morning.
Luxuria: I satisfied your lust and she-your greed.
Jason: what are you talking about!?
Avaritia: we told you already, we are Greed and Lust herself.
Luxuria: we are not humans Jason…
Jason: are you angels?
Avaritia: angels you say!? Are you insulting us? We are of The Seven Sisters! The Deadly Seven! The Sin Sisters!
Jason: the seven deadly sins are siblings? Are you demons then?
Luxuria: no Jason, we are not demons. We are who we are. The Seven Sins Sisters.
Jason: why did you do those things to me? Do I have to give you my soul or something!?
Luxuria: no Jason, you can keep your soul.
Somehow, Luxuria’s voice comforted him. Luxuria’s voice is sweet, sweet and lustful.
Jason: what do you want from me then?!
Avaritia: nothing Jason, I just want to prove that Greed is more powerful than Lust.
Luxuria: but unfortunately she failed.
Avaritia: not yet my sister. That is why we are here Jason, me and my sister are in a little competition here, and you are the judge.
Luxuria: don’t worry Jason; you will love our little game.
Jason: what do I have to do?
Luxuria: enjoy our little gifts…
The two disappeared in the dark, leaving Jason alone in the park…
In which Luxuria won
Jason woke up, “just a dream?” He whispers. But he realizes he is not in his room, the room was huge and elegant, just like a presidential suite in a five star hotel. Jason wonders where he is, he thought maybe he is in Sheila’s condo, that he drunk too much last night that he ended up there. Only that he did not drink last night, or at least that’s what he remembers. It all became clear when he saw Sheila; his theory was right after all. Then he remembers what Sheila whispered to her yesterday, “drop by at my place if you want more”…
In which Avaritia won
Jason woke up; he saw a huge chandelier made out of gold above him. “Where am I?” he asked himself, he walked around the room, admiring every detail of the structure. Then he noticed a “JE” engraved at the bed. “Jason Evans?” he thought. Someone opened the door, “good morning master” greeted the butler. “Good you say? Splendid morning it is!” Jason proudly replies.
The real ending
“I will not play your little games!” Jason cried. “I won’t let you use me for your own amusement!” Jason walks home. He walks straight ignoring a sack full of money lying in the sidewalk. He saw jewelry scattered all over the street, but he paid no notice. He continued walking… “Jason” someone called his name. He recognized the voice, he turned back… it was Samantha. Samantha pressed herself against Jason, she leans forward to kiss him, but Jason pushed her away. “Quit it Luxuria! You won’t deceive me with your cheap tricks!” Jason exclaimed. He turns his back and runs straight home….
He may have contained his greed and lust, but he kept his pride.
Avaritia: looks like Superbia won eh?
Luxuria: fair enough…
Lucifer appeared beside the two sisters.
Lucifer: did I miss something??
This story is dedicated to Aleth Cruz, for all the nice things she said about my blog, to Joyce Alviar, for saying random (good) things and to Nhatz for spamming messages in the chatbox.
Monday, September 22, 2008
for sale: west side story ticket
price: P1,030-Orchestra & Loge Side (beside my seat)
where: Meralco Theater Ortigas Center
when: october 10, 8 pm
with whom: yours truly. (this is a once in a lifetime chance to watch a play with the funny little island person)
if interested, e-mail me at email@example.com
p.s. if you are Maja Salvador, the ticket is yours. :)
Sunday, September 21, 2008
The sound of gunshots filled the battlefield… Private N. followed his comrades through the tall grasses. “Hit coming out!” shouted the martial. This early? Private N. thought. He saw his comrade lifting his m4, walking out of the battle field. First blood. Sergeant L. pointed at the bunker, 10 meters away, 1 o’clock, “cover me” he commanded. Sergeant L. swiftly slides towards the bunker unnoticed. Corporal W. and Corporal K. took the other bunker beside Sergeant L. the enemy spotted them! Bullets were sprayed at their direction; they stayed low till the firing stopped. “11 o’clock” Sergeant L. whispered. Private N. saw two guys peeping from the barricade. Fire at will! Private N. saw his bullets bouncing off the enemy’s mask! “what the fuck!” Private N. cursed. “this guy is hit! Admit it you dirty bastard! Where the fuck are those martials!?” Private N. complained. Frustrated, Private N. stood up, ignoring the fact that he’s revealing his position. That gave him a better view; he shot at the enemy, emptying his 600 round magazine. His prey lifted his palm and shouted “Hit!”. The sight of his pawn leaving the battlefield pleased him. One down.
“Clear” Sergeant L. said. They advanced at the grassy area, Sergeant L. and Corporal W. crawled their way towards the enemy’s base while Private N. and Corporal K. are covering them from the rear. Enemy spotted! 12 o’clock. “Hit coming out!” Corporal K. claimed his first kill. Sector clear, the four man team pressed forward. They soundlessly proceeded at the opponent’s base. Corporal W. spotted a small opening, Corporal W. and Private N. stayed low while they move towards the opening. They knife killed the two men guarding the entrance. Sergeant L. and Private N. followed. They can see their comrades from the other side shooting at their direction-at the enemy’s base. The enemy doesn’t know that four assaulters are now inside their base. They can see their enemies but their enemies can’t see them. They spotted seventeen men busy firing at their comrades on the other side, unaware that they are going to be eliminated inescapably. The four lifted their BB guns… It’s like shooting fish in a barrel.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
these guys are freakin awesome! some of them are filipinos too (although only one of them is a confirmed filipino). they won in the dance reality series America's Best Dance Crew.
2:17 nuf said.
special thanks to Conejo for teaching me how to add videos on posts.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Saturday, September 13, 2008
A course that offers:
- technical/informal writing
- a little I.T.
- culinary art
- occasional story telling
- physical education that includes extreme sports like war games and sky diving.
Friday, September 12, 2008
- John Benjamin
- James Blunt
- James Bond
- John Bradshaw
- Johnny Bravo
- Jonas Brothers
- Just Because
- Jelly Beans
- Jessica Biel
- Jump Board
- Johnny Blaze
- Jumping Bunny
- Jaw Breaker
- James Blunt
- Jingle Bells
- Johannes Brahms
- Johann Bach
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Ira: Lucifer! What did my sister do to you to incur your wrath? You know better than to assault one of the deadly sisters!
Lucifer: forgive my actions Ira, your sister here tested my patience…
Invidia: we were just talking sister, no need to get mad.
Ira: you know I’m always mad!
Lucifer: Ira, forgive us… please, do calm down.
Ira: I am calm… Lucifer, I believe you visited Acedia as well, why do you trouble the Seven Sisters?
Lucifer: I just want to visit my deadly sins…
Ira: for what reasons?
Lucifer: sins are the foundation of hell, and you are the queens of sins…is it wrong for a king of Hell to visit his colleagues?
Ira: the Seven Sisters will do their duty… that is our purpose…
Lucifer: and I am doing mine.
Invidia: bothering the sins is part of your duty?
Ira: silence, my sister… I am not done with you yet… Lucifer, if you are done here, please excuse me and my sister, we have some family counseling to do…
Lucifer: of course Lady Wrath, it was a pleasure seeing the two of you…
Lucifer disappears in the dark… leaving the two sins…
Ira: come, my envious sister…
Invidia: you’re not going to scold me?
Ira: scold you? No my sister… it is your nature to make everyone envious.
Invidia: and it is your nature to be wrathful.
Ira: sisters shall not fight…
Ira gave her sister a faint smile….
Nostalgia La Moderna
By: Angelo Narciso Songco
Growing up in Manila and visiting our family bakery in Guagua, Pampanga as a child; helping the bakers and cashier during summer holidays in my teens; studying hotel school and introducing recipes for new products; I distinctly remember enjoying every minute spent in La Moderna.All my senses were delighted with the sight of bakery employees working non-stop in morning and evening shifts; the aroma of the freshly-baked bread as it comes out of the oven; the sound of the mixers and slicers and the chatting of young Capampangan women wrapping big basketfuls of baked products; the texture of rising dough and flaky crusts filled with smooth egg custard; and of course, the taste of each and every product in its various stages of production.......
you might wanna check it out, http://lamoderna1947.blogspot.com/
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Saturday, September 6, 2008
It was raining, that night….. when I was peacefully watching pirated series, along came a flying cockroach! I repeat-FLYING. It went in through the window! Motherfucker our room is in the freakin 10th floor! How the hell did he do that!? And why choose our room?? There are lots of opened windows in the lower floors, why us? Why?
This bitch is flying like crazy! She ain’t no cockroach! Roaches prefer crawling than flying! She flies like a bee furchrissakes! That’s my worst enemy… a cockroach who enjoys flying….
As soon as she enters our domain, I jumped out of my seat and scrammed to the bathroom! My brother is also afraid of the flying shit. He’s being cum laude doesn’t help him in eliminating the cockbitch! According to his calculations, the best thing to do is to tuck himself under the blanket, and wait for the asshole to get tired… she kept on flying while we kept on screaming our lungs out! My move-evacuate to my friend’s room!
I returned to our room… cautious… I was pressing my body against the wall, grasping a broom, carefully peaking… clear left, clear right… just like war games. All seems normal….. peace…. I asked my brother…. “where’s the motherfucker?” “dunno, gone?” he answered… that didn’t comfort me at all, what’s with the tone of uncertainty!? I was jumpy for the rest of the night… she could be anywhere… waiting for the right moment to scare the hell out of us, or worst… laying eggs!
The next day… I woke up, no sign of the creepy bastard. I went to school (I do go to school). When I got back, still no sign of her, I resume watching my series….
Flapping sounds disturbing my peaceful time… this only means one thing… it’s going down!
She’s in the kitchen! Behind the microwave! I grabbed my trusty broom… WHAK! WHAK! WHAK! Holy shit she hid under the microwave! BANG! I banged a plate on the microwave, hoping that it will scare her. Crap! It did scare her! But she got away; she crawled her way back to her territory, the back of the closet… I got you cornered biatch! I borrowed a baygon (insecticide) from my neighbor; I sprayed some on the side of the closet-her only way out… Victory!
That’s what I thought….
I resumed my DVD marathon…. After a couple of episodes watched… motherfucker! I saw her crawling up my painting! I was like, “WHAT THE FUCK!” that woke my brother, “she’s back” I whispered… “where?” he replied… and then she’s gone again….. I noticed she was dizzy, probably because of the insecticide. That eliminated her flying abilities. That gave us courage… we searched for minutes, and then… “there!” my brother shouted, pointing at the closed window. She hid behind the curtain… “I’ll go get the insecticide, keep an eye on her” I exclaimed. Again, I borrowed the baygon, coz I gave it back after my “victory”. When I got back, I saw the cockroach flying above my brother who is lying on the floor, bathing on his own blood! Of course I’m kidding! So I got back, armed with baygon, “where is she” I asked…”I didn’t see her leave the window, I think she’s still hiding behind the curtain”. I turned on the light on our miniature balcony. It will backlit the curtain, causing the cockroach to cast its silhouette. Smart move, I praised myself… but still, no sign of her… where the fuck is she!?
“There in the kitchen!” cried my brother… I’m sick of this, I told myself… I charged in, armed with a tsinelas… War cry escaped my mouth! “Putangina mo!” the in/famous tagalong version of son of a bitch. WHAK! WHAK! WHAK! My tsinelas slipped my hands! “ammo!” I grabbed another tsinelas! WHAK! “putangina mo!” WHAK! WHAK! I gotta share the glory, your turn brother! Spppraaayyyy!!!! Sppppraaayyyy!! Mother fucker!! Die bitch! Die!!!! Unfortunately, the rice cooker is right in the middle of the battlefield, and I just cooked 5 cups of rice! Damn! Casualties… my brother stopped spraying insecticide; I continued whaking the roach, whaking and cursing… and while beating and cursing the bitch, I remembered my father when he was beating and cursing me! Am I really that annoying back then??
The roach ended up in the sink, unconscious, not crushed, I intended not to crush her to avoid a messy aftermath. The bitch is still twitching, she is still alive… good… I’ll make her pay… the steaming rice caught my eyes… it’s a waste to just throw the insecticide contaminated rice, these fallen allies will get their revenge… I scooped a spoonful of steaming rice then I buried the twitching roach with it!
In a dark corner…. Somewhere in room 1011….. an egg hatched…. “mommy? Where’s my mommy?”
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Invidia walks the earth….
A tall man approached her………
Lucifer: hi there!
Invidia: oh, Lucifer, it’s you….. do you frequently walk here?
Lucifer: huh…. Oh, no, Invidia, I came here to see you…
Invidia: it’s been a while…. So how’s hell?
Lucifer: …….hell’s power is getting stronger……
Invidia: good for you.
Lucifer: good for me? You are not jealous of my growing power?
Invidia: jealous? Why should I?
Lucifer: last time we met, you tried to cut off my wings coz you want it for yourself! You were…. jealous.
Invidia: oh, that was a long time ago…… I still want your wings… but…. Why should I envy hell? I have a realm of my own….. and it is bigger than you think…..
Lucifer: bigger than hell?
Invidia: Lucifer, I learned that you are no longer the sole ruler of hell, ergo you rule nothing more than one third of hell…. Does that answer your question?
Lucifer: so you are saying that Envy is more powerful than my domain?
Invidia: Envy will come before Evil…. A child will experience jealousy before doing something evil. Cain was jealous of Abel before he killed his brother…..you were jealous of Him before you became evil!
Lucifer: watch your tongue sin sister! I was never jealous of that old bastard!
Invidia: you cannot lie to me Lucifer…… you can’t deceive Envy herself!
Lucifer spread his dark wings and he grabbed Invidia’s neck. Dark clouds blackened the sky, Lucifer was furious….. Lucifer was angry.
Ira: release my sister!
Lucifer turned his head towards the voice….. he saw Ira…….. wrath…anger….
Ira: you will release my sister this instant!
Lucifer calmed down, he let go of invidia’s neck. Anger was taken from him…..
Ira looked at her sister, she was angry, Ira is always angry…... Ira is Wrath.......
To be continued……
Next chapter: Ira
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Angelina Jolie, FLIP’s September crush of the month! Oh yeah! She owned Jessica Alba, Megan Fox and Eva Longoria by seizing 55% of the votes!
Here are some of my questions regarding our crush:
- How come she’s so hot even though she ain’t showing that much skin?
- How come she looks hot by simply doing nothing? E.g. standing still, waiting for the bullet (from the movie wanted)
- How come she keeps on adopting random kids from random ethnicity?
- Is she looking for a Filipino kid to adopt?
- Will she adopt me?
- Can I bang her then?
Friday, August 29, 2008
there is this female butcher taking our orders… blah2 blah… for some reasons she became disappointed, maybe because of orders getting mixed up. She was yelling! Blah2 whine whine whine (while chopping the goddamn slimy, fresh raw meat without gloves or any plastic thingie whatsoever) then suddenly she wiped her face as a sign of dismay! Then I was like, WTF!? (fresh meat bacteria-her hand-her face) nuf said, you got the point!
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Lucifer: my dear Acedia, lazy as always….
Acedia: ………why are you here? Light bringer……
Lucifer: can’t a fallen angel visit his favorite sin?
Acedia: favorite? You must be looking for my other sister… Ira? Superbia? Perhaps Invidia?
Lucifer: Invidia? Are you accusing me of being envious on that old bastard!?
Acedia: ………..so it is Superbia then….
Lucifer: enough of that, this meeting is not about me; it’s about you, and your sisters.
Lucifer: so, how are the Seven Sin Sisters?
Acedia: why don’t you ask them? Why bother Sloth? Why bother the lazy one…..
Lucifer: perhaps I will visit them as well, but for now, how are you?
Acedia: ……nothing has changed….. leave me alone…… I’m not in the mood to speak to anyone….. go to my other sisters….
Lucifer: nothing has changed eh?
Acedia looked at the universe, she was flabbergasted…. For she kept her eyes closed for a long time. Everything changed…..
Lucifer: it seems like it’s been a while since your last observation.
Acedia: my realm…. My realm grew…..
Lucifer: despair, misery, indifference, apathy…… Sloth…. They expand uncontrollably. You have done well by not doing anything.
Acedia: that is my nature, light bringer…. Men are easily corrupted by us…. The Seven Sisters…. We are necessary…. We are inevitable……
Lucifer: I’ve learned what I have to learn…. I’m done here; I will now visit your other sisters and see if they are doing as well as you…. Farewell then, my dear Acedia…. May sadness embrace you…
Lucifer departs…… Acedia is again, alone in a corner….. watching…. listening carefully to the requiem of the weeping…. She loves the sound of despair….. Acedia is Sloth
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
If you are looking for a place to shop, Quiapo is the place to be! Quiapo has everything! From rubix cubes to hardcore sex toys! Of course the sex toys are well hidden, you can pass by them at the overpass! At least they followed the “keep out of reach of children” rule.
If you were stabbed by a random by stander or injected with a random disease contained syringe, do not panic! You just have to check out the “pharmacy” section, wherein they will offer you a wide selection of “Pampa’s”. Pampa’s are medicines that are made of god knows what. Common Pampa’s are:
Pampa Regla (something that lures a female’s monthly visitor. If ya know what I mean)
-it guarantees that it will make you bleed, regardless where.
Pampa Tankad (makes you tall)
-the locals say that this medicine is far more effective than those you see in T.V., where those asian chiks are trying to convince you that the said medicine works.
In your case, try asking for “Pampa gamot ng sugat na nakuha ko dahil sa kakashopping ko sa quiapo” (translation: a medicine that can heal a wound that I got for shopping in quiapo)
Now that you’re healed, it’s time for your revenge! By revenge, it doesn’t have to be done on the person who stabbed you, just choose a random person, trust me, he’ll do the same thing. First, look for a weapon, I recommend you get the 3 for P100 shurikens. I’m not kidding here, they do sell shurikens!
If you want to take a break, you can go watch x rated movies in theaters with sticky flooring and sticky seats. Why sticky you ask? You have to experience it yourself, coz I have no plans on going there! You can also watch dancing naked ladies. I just learned that there is a 24 hour strip club somewhere there in Quiapo. I told you man! They got it all for you!
Be aware of little kids who sell bracelets! You know the show about professional pick pockets? These kids are sort of kinda like them. These kids will grab your hand, and then before you can even react, you are already wearing the goddamn bracelet! Here’s the insanely irritating part, after planting their stupid bracelet on you, they are gonna force you to buy it by telling you their saddest made up story! Furchristssakes please don’t give in! You’ll just encourage those little demons!
Don’t forget to visit the DVD section. They sell good porn, 3 for P100.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
I was lining up to buy my train pass when I noticed that I don’t have small bills in my wallet, and the machine only accepts P20 and P50 bill! I told the lady behind me to hold my spot so I can go find a store where I can change my bills. Alas! These shopkeepers are too busy texting/polishing their nails/listening to their improvised ipod/eating merienda to entertain a guy who wants his money changed! I decided to walk further down, and then I saw this old lady who sells cigarettes. Tada! I succeeded on acquiring my precious P20 bill! Level up! Now I’m back at the station, of course the lady who was holding my spot was long gone now; there was no line anyways so after a few minutes, I’m already aboard the train……
Arriving at Araneta station Cubao.
This is the hard part, since it was my first time riding the train by myself; I’m not sure on where to go, which ticket to buy and where to get off! When I was on my way to the MRT station, I saw this girl eyeing me, then we were like staring at each other intensely until we were too close that I have to tilt my head down to her while she stares up at me. Ooohhh…. Train love story, reminds me of sassy girl. I have to say, shawty is a 8! No time to play though! Back to the action!
I am now heading to my next train ride; I bought the ticket, no problem at all, until…. I’m not sure which train I’m gonna ride! It’s a 50-50 chance that I’ll reach my destination safely-or travel all the way to the other side! Then this guard approached me when he saw me looking at the map-looking dumb! He asked me where I’m headed, “ortigas” I say. He solved my predicament with his one finger! –Points at the escalator that will bring me to the “right train”-. Luckily, the train was not too crowded, I’ve experienced worst! I was doing the bamboo stance to keep my balance; else I’ll be pressing myself beside the man who defines the meaning of B.O.! I traveled North America by myself, and I could have sworn that it was a lot easier than snaking your way through metro manila via train!
At last! I’ve made it! I hear round of applause behind my ears! Nicely done jb! You’ve earned it!
Saturday, August 23, 2008
August 21, 2008
At around 2:00am-5:00am I was dreaming that I met Maja Salvador somewhere in the dream world. We were having fun enjoying each other’s company. We talked about a lot of things; I felt a connection going on between us. It’s like we are in a typical scene on a love story. Everything went well, we even agreed that we’ll see each other again tomorrow, we held hands and walked together until she kissed me goodbye…..
That was the best night of my life!
And then I woke up…..
That was the worst night of my life!
best things in life can't be attained in reality, hence "it's too good to be true"
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Enna, a blind college girl who lives alone on an old apartment in a big city, she have seen things a normal eye cannot comprehend, things beyond substance, beyond facts. Despite her disability, she lives a normal teen college life. Enna’s parents died in a car accident when she was 4. she never saw her twin brother again after that incident-though technically, she never did. Enough about Enna, after all, this story is about two unusual beings and an unusual duel, and perhaps more…
Our story starts at dusk, when Enna is on her way back to her apartment. The sun is about to set. Darkness hugging its way into the horizon. Enna, guided by her walking stick, is now crossing a busy street. It is not the fast cars that bother her. For she have crossed that street several times before. She is worried about the guy who is following her. Enna’s other senses are very sharp. Sharp enough to compensate her blindness. She doesn’t need sight to notice that she is being followed. She walked faster towards a bridge. As soon as she was about to cross the bridge, the guy grabbed her from the back and pointed a gun on her torso. The mugger took her wallet from her pocket, her phone and her purse, and demanded her to come with him in a dark alley… perhaps he intended to take more from her. Enna instinctively pushed her assailant off her. Not knowing that a gun was pointed at her, she fought her way out of the assaulter’s tight grasp.
Enna is now falling from the bridge while the robber runs away from the scene…
Just before Enna hits the raging river, a black fog-like mist halted her fall… as if the black mist saved her from the cruel river………..
???: Darkness, if you don’t mind me asking,… why do you care for that human so much? I mean, she was about to fall on that wild river and die! But somehow you managed to save her with your dark tricks.
Darkness: is there something wrong Gravity? Are you mad that I saved her life?
Gravity: well, I just hate the fact that you saved her from falling! She could have been a victim of gravity ya know!?
Darkness: you are not Death my friend.
Gravity: yeah, but you just defied my law! Does that made you feel you have power over me?! That you have power against Gravity!?
Darkness: are you challenging me?
Gravity: it’s a duel then!
Gravity floated up to the sky, he went as high as he can, as high as gravity’s territory.
Gravity: if you made me touch the ground, you win! There is no time limit. You lose when you give up!
Darkness: being cocky are we? Night! Ensnare Gravity! Gravity depends on mass, you can make a dark cloud weigh million times heavier. But darkness of the night is weightless.
Gravity: so what if you ensnared me with your “night”. It doesn’t make me fall does it? Now it’s my turn.
Giant boulders, trees and rocks are being thrown to Darkness by Gravity’s power. He will be crushed if these things hit him!
Darkness: you can do better than that my friend.
Darkness formed a dark circle with his hands. Then all the boulders and rocks were sucked by the darkness!
Gravity: black hole eh? Let’s see how you handle my next move! I’m going to multiply you weight!
Darkness fell on his knees… he cannot lift himself up due to the massive gravity that is pulling him down.
Gravity: you can quit anytime now… or do you still want me to double up your suffering?
Gravity: why are you smili…..waaaaahhhhh!!!!
Gravity is falling from the sky!
Gravity touches the ground…..Darkness won.
Gravity: but…but how??
Darkness: I pulled you down with your shadow. I ensnared you with night because it will be a lot easier for me to find your shadow when you are not moving.
Gravity: I don’t understand? How can my shadow pull me down?
Darkness: when you are all the way up there, your shadow down here is nothing more than a dot, perhaps even smaller than a dot. Being darkness himself, I have the power to make your shadow bigger, thus drawing you closer to it until you finally touch it.
Gravity: …..my shadow was, of course in the ground…
Gravity: you won fair and square Darkness. I apologize for my actions earlier….
Darkness: I am glad that you accepted defeat Gravity. It was an interesting match. We should do that again sometime…..
Gravity: umm.. you never answered my question regarding the human… so why did you save her?
Darkness: she was my twin sister.
Enna woke up on a hospital near her school. She was half awaked when she saw two figures outside the window… a floating boy and a man….and then darkness, she was blind after all………
Gravity: how did it happen? Is it possible for Light to give up her purpose?
Darkness: Enna was Light before she gave up her “job”-being Light herself-thus making her blind. Till then she became a normal human being with littlest memory of what she was. But of course Light still exist, perhaps a new personification was born?
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
1st stop, Embassy. Since Emba only serves liquor until 2:00, (meaning the place will be deserted at around 3 am) we went there first. We got in for free coz my cousin has his connections (translation: guest list). We have access to the VIP section but unluckily, neither Michelle Madrigal nor Maui Taylor was there! It would have been a chance to try my ice breakers on them! It’s Wednesday night so R&B gets the big room. Once you enter the room, you’ll notice a bouncer standing motionless on a… ummm.. box.. uh huh, he’s like the embassy version of Ronald McDonald! You know, the clown by the door. He (the bouncer on a box) greets me with a smile, but I was like-wtf!? Is this their mascot or something!? How come Jollibee and McDonald never greet costumers? They are just staring blankly into space with their disturbing unresponsive eyes!! Ok, back to the club. My cousin introduces us (me and my other cousin) to her workmates. I knew nothing’s gonna happen to me here because these guys are all yuppies! (I prefer younger crowd) She even introduces us to some white females twice my age! Where the fuck are those fine teen shawties!?
Going up! Again, no entrance fee. Here we’ve met my other cousin’s colleagues. Meeting friends of friends is the best way for meeting friends. 3 friends in 1 sentence! Haha. The place is not too crowded and I’m hearing the same music I heard earlier in embassy! Put your hands up in the air! (repeat kazillion times) makes me wanna yell-ok! We got the point for chrissakes!!
We left the fort and now where in front of Alchemy. For some reasons our name wasn’t on the list as expected. Well the place looks empty anyways so why bother arguing with the ugly creature sitting on the front desk. Ciao alchemy.
Tada! From embassy to a freakin cheap ass club! The only reason why guys go there because girls come up to guys! Uh huh, it’s the other way around! Howdya like that! These girls will give you tons of signs that they want you to take them home! 1 single smile is all you need to make them give their number to you.
Again, we don’t have to pay to get in. oh yeah, before that. My cousin doesn’t want to go in, coz he’s worried that his girlfriend’s friends might spot him there-which will lead to-them breaking up. (Eventually, they broke up before I even had the chance to finish this post!) back to the club. We’re eyeing the horde of girls/dudes/gays/unknown creatures searching for shawties with potential. Some girls are coming up to us, but they look manlier than us! –walk away-. Then after minutes of googling, I saw this group of girls slowly walking towards the entrance, wind blowing their perfect hair, an HID backlighting them as if they are sent from heaven. I can even remember hearing music as they walk by-love lift us up where we belong-. Then one of them flashes a quick smile at me (or was that my imagination?). then I blacked out for a while… then I saw them in the middle of the dance floor, surrounded by a wall of dudes hungry for fresh meat! I witnessed some were turned down, some were brutally ignored, and some others are just staring at them, probably gathering enough guts. I gathered all my guts and snaked through the swarm of hungry bastards! My cousin right behind me for backup…. I’m now beside my target waiting for the right time… eventually I got the chance to introduce myself and ask for her name. her name is Kheilla, cool name ay. Nuf said! To be continued… or not.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
scenario: you are hanging out with your friends in the mall/park/school then suddenly a group of hot girls are walking by. you tried to talk to her and said (insert your favorite ice breaker here). it turns out you're not her type so she walked away with her friends, ignoring you. now here's the good part -revenge-. your not gonna let her humiliate you like that are you? once she got away.. let's say 5 meters, say out loud: "yeah, get the fuck outta here you fuckin whore! i dont even want you!" (make sure your friends and her friends can hear) that way, you'll turn the table around. now she's the one who's humiliated! take that for ignoring me! LOL
here are some ice breakers that will surely lead you to the above scenario.
- If i can rearrange the alphabet, i'll put U and I together
- Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa just what I want for Christmas.
- I'm sorry, were you talking to me? Her: No. Well then, please start.
- I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away.
- Are you from Jamaica? Coz Jamaica me crazy!
- Are you from tennessee? Coz you're the only 10 i see!
- Are you a parking ticket? (What?) You got fine written all over you.
- If you were a booger I'd pick you first.
- You say "I bet you a Bacardi I can kiss you without using my lips." She says, "Bet's on." You kiss her then say, "A glass or a bottle?."
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Monday, August 11, 2008
i'm lying in my bed wonderin
why cant's sleep, ideas keep comin.
now i'm writing a poem like an emo person
though i prefered being compared to a black guy in prison.
for those who knew me, you might think i'm crazy
for writing unusual stuffs unexpectedly.
well everyone's got their own secret addiction,
i am just a bored guy who needs medication,
for i can't sleep! God knows why
i'll just write a poem, i guess i'll try
you can't really judge a book by it's cover
coz maybe what you see is just a colorful cover.
all im saying is i am still JB
just trying new things that interests me.
now you know the other side of me
now you see the flip side of JB.
this is the poem that gave me inspiration. it's from the movie Harold and Kumar.
I fear that I will always be
A lonely number like root three
The three is all that’s good and right,
Why must my three keep out of sight
Beneath the vicious square root sign,
I wish instead I were a nine
For nine could thwart this evil trick,
with just some quick arithmetic
I know I’ll never see the sun, as 1.7321
Such is my reality, a sad irrationality
When hark! What is this I see,
Another square root of a three
As quietly co-waltzing by,
Together now we multiply
To form a number we prefer,
Rejoicing as an integer
We break free from our mortal bonds
With the wave of magic wands
Our square root signs become unglued
Your love for me has been renewed
here's another poem, maybe this will be the first and last time that i'm gonna write a poem for my post.... the next poem will tell you why.
Roses are red, violets are blue
i'm not really good in poems, are you?
they say it's easy, doubt that's true
so fuck poems! and fuck you too!